Sports Satire

Injury Compensation

The mainstream news may report that your favorite star pulled a hamstring because they hit the bag wrong, but in reality it was probably due to a puffy piece of grass. We report the real reasons why your favorite sports stars need injury attorney lawyers. They all will be seeking injury compensation claims from their respective teams. Keep an eye out for the most important news developing as we speak.



Pedro's Latest Injury
Pedro's Latest Injury
Pedro Martinez has had a rough go of it over the past few years. He has been on the disabled list more than he has been on the field, and his latest setback is his strangest yet.

A pimple the size of a golf ball showed up on Martinez's nose early Friday morning. He tried to use acne medicine to get the pimple down, but that did not work. Now he will miss his start on Sunday thanks to the pimple.

Martinez is recovering from a shoulder injury.


Ready For Legal Battle
Ready For Legal Battle
The PGA has filed a lawsuit against Tiger Woods where they are seeking injury compensation from the world's best golfer. The injury compensation suit comes on the heels of Woods having surgery and not playing on the PGA tour for the rest of the year.

Lawyers for the PGA are stating in the lawsuit that Woods' injury will severely hurt the financial status of the PGA for the rest of the year. They are claiming that Woods was selfish in his motives to come back from injury and compete at the U.S. Open.

Had he not played at the Open, tour officials claim that they would still have Woods to make appearances at the rest of the events this year.


Vick Arrested Again
Vick Arrested Again
Michael and Marcus Vick need help. They are in need of a personal injury attorney who can stop the bleeding to their careers and reputations. Marcus, who apparently learning nothing fro his brother's troubles with the law, received a DUI early Friday morning.

Vick was overheard telling the arresting officers that he felt his family had already been hurt enough after his brother was thrown in jail for simply beating animals. "Man, you cops are out to get us. My brother kills a few dogs and you send him upstate. Me, your gonna arrest me now just cause I drank a few bottles of Tanqueray. It's just wrong," said Vick.


Injury Attorney Needed
Injury Attorney Needed
John Smoltz came back to the Braves bullpen earlier this week and tried to convince reporters that he was going to be "nasty" with his new arm angles. Now, two days later, Smoltz is in need of a personal injury attorney for the problems he has with his right arm.

Smoltz is claiming that the medical experts that were working with him on his arm injury, convinced him he would be "nasty" when he came back. On Monday, he returned to the Braves closer role only to give up the lead late in the game.

Afterwards, Smoltz expressed his desire for a personal injury attorney, claiming, "I went to the mound, and I knew right in warm ups that the doctors were wrong.


Personal Injury Attorney Needed
Personal Injury Attorney Needed
The Kansas Jayhawks should have been enjoying the past few months of their season. They came from way behind to win the college basketball national championship back in March. Instead of celebrating, however, the Kansas Jayhawks are in need of a personal injury attorney.

The case will be tough to present for any attorney that takes the case, but the Jayhawks are seeking injury compensation from the president of the United States. On Tuesday, the champion Jayhawks basketball team visited the White House as is customary for champions.


Big Papi Lawsuit?
Big Papi Lawsuit?
David Ortiz has injured his wrist in the most unlikely of ways, and now has gone searching for injury compensation from the Red Sox. He is alleging that his wrist was injured while signing too many autographs at a charity function put on by the Red Sox.

Ortiz was complaining on Friday about the amount of autographs he had been signing lately, according to Manny Ramirez. "He (Ortiz) told me that his wrist was beginning to hurt, that they (Red Sox) were forcing him to sign hundreds of autographs for three straight days.


Disclaimer - The news reported on this site is considered satire. This means the information cannot be taken seriously and must never be mistaken for fact. Any likeness to any person, place, or thing is intended to be taken with satirical tones.